The Voice Inside My Head
by MyDyingDaysBlackRose
Summary: Sasuke started walking and a quick glance behind him reassured him that Naruto was still trotting along behind him Sasunaru.


Sasuke walked. He walked for hours, day, weeks, his sense of time had been obliterated and if he could have found the strength he would be flying, whipping through the trees with the speed and grace that his heritage had passed down to him. Sasuke was strong, he had killed hundreds, wounded thousands more, obliterated lives, families, he had accomplished so much and had become one of the most powerful ninja in all the lands... but he no longer _felt_ strong. How could he?

Subconsciously his eyes flickered over to his companion. The orange and black attire that was no longer pristine and immaculate, now caked with blood, signed by burns, and half destroyed it hung in tatters revealing the shifting musculature beneath that taut flesh. His abdominal muscles rippling with each step. His gaze lifted to that sun kissed hair, startling cerulean blue eyes, and those whiskers. His heart lurched painfully, one look was all it took to make his knees quiver, one cock-eyed smile and the littlest Uchiha was putty in the blonde's hands, and as if sensing the gaze, the corners of the blondes lips curled up in a smile and Sasuke fought back the whimper. How could Sasuke still be strong after what he had been forced to do?

The very best of the best were after the blonde. The Akatsuki being at the top of that list, the Leaf wanting to keep him tucked away, safe from all viewing eyes, not wanting their precious jinchuriki to fall into the wrong hands, not wanting him to die, or God forbid betray the village. Sasuke's lips curled up in a smirk that did not reach his eyes. He stumbled over his own tattered cloak, the Akatsuki's symbols glaring out at the forest in blazing red, with a snarl he ripped off the bottom, leaving it behind. Naruto remained silent.

But Naruto was following along behind him, keeping up with Sasuke's fast pace without a word. The familiar scent of pine trees, ramen, and something that was distinctly Naruto brought comfort to the raven. It was perhaps the only thing keeping him from falling down, the echoing of Naruto's footsteps were the only thing keeping him placing one foot in front of the next. In some way... he had always loved the jinchuriki. Naruto had been the one unwaveringly loyal thing that had weaseled its way past all of his defenses, and somehow had dug beneath the calloused muscle of his heart and rooted himself there. Truthfully now, Naruto fought for his greatest enemies, the elders who had ordered the attack on his clan. Why... why did it have to be Naruto? The blonde would never choose between the village and Sasuke. So why had he chosen Naruto to give his heart away too when all the blonde would do is break it? ...and yet how long had they been walking? How long had he been silent? The promise that Naruto had made, to bring him back, no matter what the cause, was the invisible tie that had forever cemented them together, it was a glittery beautiful thing and even though they had yet to speak, he felt that bond stronger than his own heartbeat.

Their journey had led them far away from Konoha, far from Leaf, far from anything that was familiar. Sasuke no longer knew where they were and truthfully he couldn't bring himself to care. Only that they were far away registered in his brain. In the first few days? Weeks? He never spoke. Not a single word, not a single utterance, not even a grunt... what was he supposed to say? The most precious thing in his life was with him for the first time in years and he was so blissfully content, he knew not what to do with himself. He had nothing to say, so afraid was he that it would break this magical existence, this perfect bubble, this happiness with his dobe... he didn't want to lose this peace, this harmony...never again.

Before confidence and strength had been seemingly coded in his DNA he was ever the air of utter confidence sometimes to the point of arrogance, and his own strength...despite his lack of a demon was well known and quite formidable. But now... he questioned everything, every thought, every idea, how could he even consider looking at his companion? Much less tell him of his troubling thoughts.

But Naruto spoke and so that was ok. Half the time he didn't even register what Naruto was saying only that the words in that deep gravelly voice, filled with possession, protectiveness, and a love to match his own made him feel safe, wanted, needed, loved. Tears came unbidden to onyx orbs as he pondered why in God's name he had ever left the blonde in the first place. Why had he sought revenge when he had had Naruto? He didn't try to stop the tears and Naruto didn't comment on them.

He spoke of jutsus, he spoke of their old friends, he spoke of Jiraiya and all of the fantastic things the old man had taught him, but it seemed, after awhile, even he grew tired of speaking of the old village. Now he spoke of Sasuke, of their past together, how his dreams had shifted and all he really wanted out of life was to call Sasuke his to just be with him wherever he was... didn't he know that Sasuke had always been his? From those first days at the academy to the walk they continued now, Sasuke had forever belonged to Naruto. Tears had escaped him then too. Naruto had kissed them away. It was amazing how Naruto could remember times when they were simply happy. Swimming in the lake, training for hours, falling asleep in Sasuke's living room. Sasuke had never known he meant so much to the blonde and if he had... he never would have left.

His voice offered the most comfort, the most love, the most joy when he spoke of them growing old together.

"We are going to have a beautiful two story house right outside of Konoha, the cliché white picket fence, ya know, with a dog? We will grow our own food and catch our own dinner, and there will be windows everywhere to let the sun in, because your face has been cast in shadow all of your life Sasuke, and you deserve to see the sun. We will retire out in peace, myself as Hokage and you as my head ANBU and we will enjoy one another as we never got to when we were young." Naruto dreamed of impossible things and Sasuke... well absolutely nothing in this world sounded better to the Avenger.

* * *

Sasuke could sense Naruto's longing gaze burrowed into his back, he could feel through the connection they shared, his desire to touch Sasuke, to feel his flesh beneath his own, the warmth of his mouth, the soft caress of ebony strands, the smell of sweat and sex and love. But Sasuke could not take that plunge yet, Sasuke could not find his inner strength and so... he pressed forward just as always, because there was nowhere else to go.

It seemed the blonde had gotten used to speaking of their future. It was always bright, beautiful, sunny, just like Naruto himself. It was impossible not to be swept up in his fantasies, impossible realities that the Uchiha wanted with every spec, every inch, every dot of his soul, his optimism was always welcome and Sasuke would reward the blonde with a soft smile, a smile reserved only for Naruto and that would provoke the male to continue despite the fact that Sasuke had yet to speak.

Sasuke did not understand what Naruto saw in him. When he was younger he was nothing but vicious and cruel to the jinchuriki, and the blonde bounced back like nothing always bubbly, always excited, and always determined. The Uchiha had betrayed him, left him to die, had threatened to kill him numerous times, and still Naruto came for him, like a puppy to its long lost master, and Sasuke thanked whoever would listen for such patience in the blonde, because they were together now and did anything else really matter? Despite the fact that his hatred for the village burned him through to the core, Naruto was following him. Trusting him.

Naruto was following him without question and Sasuke could feel the overwhelming love the blonde had for him burn him to the core with every glance he stole. It burned him like a fire uncontained, stronger, wilder, more rapid then before and Sasuke was not ready to answer, but still he followed. Not once did Sasuke open his mouth to speak, not once did he reassure the blonde that they would forever be together, he didn't know if one day he would simply up and leave him, and if he himself didn't know... how could Naruto put so much faith in him? He would catch those cerulean orbs with his own onyx and the answer was simple. _I love you._

Lost in his own musings, Sasuke wasn't paying attention to his surroundings as he should been and a sudden rise in the terrain had him lurching forward as his feet got caught beneath him. Instinctively he shut his eyes, arms falling out in front of him to brace for the hit... which never came. Warmth encircled his lithe waist and a hard chest pressed up against his spine, despite himself the moan escaped his vocal cords and Naruto's soft chuckle answered as he was pulled upright and locked firmly in the blonde's embrace. Sasuke buried his nose in the blonde's collarbone, shifting in the embrace to grab at Naruto. Overwhelmed by the familiar scent, and melting into unreasonable warmth that seeped into his flesh, he found himself cracking, giving into everything that was Naruto.

Before he could lose himself entirely, he ripped away from that addictive heat and back into the bitter chill of night, he shivered involuntarily but Naruto made no move to push him, remaining uncharacteristically silent. He sat in the cool grass with his back against a tree, his aching body groaning and creaking as the muscles relaxed and the bones realigned themselves, he cracked his eyes open to find Naruto crouched in front of him, he couldn't stop the smile.

"Perhaps you should stop and take breaks yes? If a dip in the road is enough to fell you, if we honest to God get attacked were fucked." Naruto grinned, and Sasuke scowled. Leave it to Naruto to shatter his warm moment with a comment like that... but then again would he love the blonde if he was any different? The comment was so decidingly Naruto... he jumped as Naruto's laughter caught his ears and startled onyx blinked. How... how could the idiot still find it in him to laugh after Sasuke had betrayed him time and time again, how despite all of his revelations, he still couldn't find it within himself to tell him the truth about how he felt?

"Not to complain of course. I would rather be lost with you here at God knows where than being carted off somewhere waiting for death while the kyuubi gets extracted." Sasuke's heart gave an incredibly painful throb at the thought of his blonde dying. "Although you have been about as fun to be around as Choji when he hasn't eaten in a day. Just as broody too!" Naruto teased him mercilessly, and the fact that Naruto could even look at him, much less tease him was something, a trait, he would always cherish in his idiot. "But... I suppose there are worse fates then starring at your backside for a few weeks, it's like angels carved your ass out of stone or something!"

For a moment the glare Sasuke shot the blonde idiot sent him cowering backwards, flinching slightly. It was a glare that promised pain, if not death, but then, the mask cracked, faded, and then fell away, and a forced laugh pulled itself from Sasuke's vocals no matter how much he tried to fight it, and finally... finally, he faced Naruto for the first time.

" Usuratonkachi... you got me to speak are you satisfied now?" The words were rough grating against his throat it felt...good to speak again no matter how much his vocals protested under the abuse, and by the squeal and shout of victory that erupted before him, it was a heavy victory on Naruto's side of the coin. He sighed and suddenly he had an armful of very excited, very warm and very happy blonde idiot.

"I could only be happier if you were naked with ramen all over your body." Naruto breathed into his ear. Sasuke chocked on air before a wide smile spread across his face which he hid in Naruto's shoulder, as new tears found themselves in Sasuke's eyes. It wasn't anything close to what he really wanted but damn it all, it was a start.

* * *

The days were long, each day Sasuke's gait turned slower, the bags under his eyes grew heavier, his skin paler, and his chakra seemed to weaken. Naruto questioned him about it more than once, but Sasuke had lapsed back into silence, only speaking on rare occasion and only when it pleased him, but Naruto had never been one to be deterred and he pressed on. The nights were longer still, he knew Naruto wanted him, he wanted his love, his heart, his soul, but Sasuke couldn't, his emotions ripped him apart from the inside and set his mind on fire. He couldn't, he shouldn't it was wrong. His choices had led them spiraling in different directions no matter how strong their bond was. Sasuke looked up and onyx met sapphire and a crooked grin whipped across Naruto's face and Sasuke swore that Naruto was the cause of light in this world.

"What do you want dobe?" His voice was no longer rough and grainy, back to its usual heartless monotone, but as per usual it had no effective on the hyperactive knucklehead.

"Nothing Teme, just wondering if that frown is permanently etched on your face or not." The chipper response never failed to blossom both irritation and love within the confines of his belly.

"My fist will be permanently etched in your teeth if you don't stop starring." Sasuke did not know if the typical throw of insults were meant to harm the other or if it had almost become endearing... he was leaning towards the latter.

"Well I would much rather stare at other parts of your anatomy, but alas you keep them hidden under that dreadful cloak." Naruto's response was instantaneous and Sasuke didn't bother trying to stop the smile.

"Tch. Idiot." Sasuke delicately bit into the rabbit he had killed earlier, it was still hot, but fire never had harmed him.

"What was that S'uke?" The idiot was purring and if he didn't stop Sasuke's blood was going to stop flowing to his brain and his heart was going to stop beating from the ripple of shivers that cascaded down his arm and ended in a pool of molten lava of heat in his abdomen. "I can't hear why don't you come a little closer?" Never before had Sasuke compared the blonde idiot to a fox, but now he could think of no better analogy.

"Its not that...easy." Sasuke needed this to stop, he wasn't ready and patient understanding swept the whole of Naruto's face, and Sasuke clenched his fists. He wanted Naruto's fury, his rage, he wanted to see the upset on his face, the anger etched in the lines of his flesh, but no... the idiot was perfect, his soul mate, his other half, and he grinded his teeth together as Naruto shot him a smile that stopped his heart and stole his breath.

"I know." Naruto's voice was soft laced with quiet consideration.

"Naruto... I" Sasuke ground out but Naruto shook his head, blond locks falling haphazardly around his shoulders.

"I don't know why you allowed me to come with you Sasuke... but I don't need too. You are here and you picked me and that's all that matters. You don't owe me an explanation." Naruto's voice pierced the stillness of the air around them and Sasuke nodded stiffly before falling to his side, tears cascading down his pale cheeks, he wondered if his eyes would ever run dry.

* * *

Naruto watched Sasuke with something akin to sadness, it had taken him a long time... far too long to decide that the raven was more important than a position as Hokage would ever be. The position, while his lifelong dream, was nothing more than a fancy title, something that would gain him respect, but little more. He had Sasuke's respect and his attention, Sasuke was flesh and bone, feelings and emotions, he made up the missing side of Naruto.

Naruto stiffened his back straining from the rigid length that he kept as Sasuke drifted off to sleep, night was the worst. Nothing tore at him quite like it. The Uchiha had not had one peaceful night of slumber since they had begun this never-ending walk. It was why he was so drained. Drained of strength, drained of chakra, drained of courage, and there was nothing...nothing he could do because Sasuke wouldn't open up to him, Sasuke wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

Che... leave it to the stubborn bastard to try to solve everything on his own.

All playful thoughts left Naruto's brain as Sasuke twitched and then arched his spine, letting out a low keening whine. It always started fairly tame, but Naruto knew better, with a soft sigh the blonde rose from his seated position and dropped down besides the littlest Uchiha, and like clockwork, it began. The whines and quiet pleas turned into full blown screams, his blunt nails raked across the dirt and the grass, tearing the innocent plant from its roots, his mouth opened in a horrified heart wrenching scream and tears spilled down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry!" The words were pulled from his throat with such anguish that it brought tears to Naruto's own eyes. He answered the Uchiha with his own whine and coiled his arms around him, holding onto him as tightly as he could, murmuring soft nothings into his ear. Naruto couldn't pull him out of these episodes, all he could do was hold on tight and let Sasuke battle whatever demon was plaguing him. Naruto knew not what tortured Sasuke but he wished with all of his heart that he could shield him from it, protect him, as Sasuke had done for him so often in their younger years, but it seemed even now Naruto was powerless to stop it. He squeezed Sasuke just a little bit tighter.

* * *

Sasuke sat down as twilight turned to nightfall, his legs ached, his back burned, his eyes blood shot and red and dear God all he wanted was a good night's sleep. He was beginning to regret ever choosing to speak. Naruto had gotten bolder, would lean against him as they walk, thread their fingers together, breathe into his neck and it was becoming harder and harder for Sasuke to fend him off and that... that was getting dangerous. He grunted, shifting so he could reach into his pocket and withdrew a chakra pill. Naruto watched him intensely as he popped the pill with seemingly little to no care, and Naruto sighed, rising from his spot across the fire and falling gracefully on Sasuke's right, leaning to rest his head against Sasuke's shoulder... and who was Sasuke to tell him to move, he was powerless when it came to the blonde.

"You know... pervy sage taught me this jutsu to place someone into a chakra induced sleep, it temporarily blocks your chakra but-" Naruto stopped talking as a strangled sob caught in the Uchiha's throat. Naruto's blue eyes widened as Sasuke broke into tears, sobs wracking his entire frame and he wondered what in God's name he had said to upset the raven so badly. Surprising both of them, Sasuke turned and nuzzled his nose into Naruto's cheek, his eyes such a hollow void of despair that it was difficult for Naruto to keep his own emotions in check.

"No. Please...just..." Naruto kissed away the salty tracks that stained the pale face of the raven, delicately licking the moisture away and somewhere, dully in the back of his brain he registered that this was the most intimate thing he had ever done for anyone, and while it should have scared the crap out of him, he only wanted to do it again.

"Sasuke...you are brooding. More than usual. I wish...I wish you could trust me like I trust you, I wish you would believe in me. I...I just miss you teme. I want my Sasuke back." Naruto whispered, his breath ghosting across Sasuke's face and Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut.

Perhaps... perhaps Naruto was right. While the blonde idiot didn't have many positives, he had always been able to read Sasuke like an open book, and this timid, crying, scared little kid was not him. He knew that and so did the blonde. He could be happy again. He loved Naruto and while they might never be normal, never be ideal, he had the blonde which meant he could be himself again, or at least he could try. He wanted to touch him, Sasuke yearned to be burned alive by Naruto's oppressive heat. He wanted to be lost forever in a mist of euphoric bliss of nothing but Naruto. His scent, his smell, his taste, his touch. But he was afraid. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep him, afraid that he would lose him, that this was nothing but a wonderful, glorious, wickedly cruel lie and Sasuke couldn't survive that.

So Naruto won that round and Sasuke found he wasn't much willing to fight it anymore. He buried his head in the hollow of Naruto's neck and cried.

* * *

Naruto's laughter filled the air, and it was all Sasuke could do not to go weak in the knees. That sound could light up the coldest of nightmares, the most wicked of places and he was almost certain it could make grown men cower, shake, and plead just to know its owners name. If there was a sound he wanted to hear on his dying bed, it was that. The smile that crossed the Uchiha's face was true, genuine, pure.

" Remember that fat woman with the cat? The one who never should have been brought back? I felt so bad for that feline after I got back with Jiraiya I aided in its escape! Poor thing! If I had that obese monster trying to pick me up I would be running for the hills too!" Naruto's laughter swarmed the air and parts of Sasuke that he didn't even know existed lightened and warmed at the sound. God he had missed this.

"Or the time we went headfirst over the waterfall and ended up in the hospital for three days because you decided that the rapids also needed to be cleared of garbage?" Sasuke piped in and was rewarded by another round of Naruto's laughter.

"Hey now! It was only a concussion and a broken finger! I would say that's pretty awesome collateral damage!" Even Sasuke chuckled quietly as he remembered sharing the hospital room with his dobe. They had been so carefree, so perfect back then, it was hard not to fall in love with the idiot all over again, and despite himself he slowed his gait to walk beside the blonde rather than in front of him.

* * *

The fire crackled and flickered, the reflection casting long shadows on Naruto's face. Sasuke starred, he loved Naruto. He loved him with every fiber in his being and the blonde knew it... and for these few weeks, these few months, Naruto's ever easily distracted mind had been all his, all his own. For right now, he held all of Naruto's attention and suddenly he wanted to keep it there. For the first time he opened his mouth to speak without being suckered into speaking.

"We should set up a house out here." Sasuke looked determined at the vacant meadow, bristling with gentle breezes and the softest of creatures. They would be safe here, away from prying eyes and anything and everything that had ever been familiar... they could be happy. He could be happy again. Sapphires met onyx stones, and the surprise in Naruto's gaze was enough to still his heart.

"Are you-" The blonde began but never got to finish.

"You were right." The raven cut him off, the familiar indifferent confidence coloring his tone. "Its about time I stopped running and at least try to be happy once more." before the raven could blink he found himself with an armful of blonde idiot, and the smile that crossed his pale face, seemingly without effort could not be stopped as he squeezed the blonde just a little bit tighter.

* * *

It took them a week? Possibly a bit longer to finish their home. Numerous logs, leaves and various other things to construct the roof, the furniture, and whatever else suited their fancy. They hadn't had much time for words. So focused were they both on individual tasks, but Sasuke didn't mind. They were building their future, they were reconstructing the strength of their bond, log by log and side glance by side glance. Naruto was here. Naruto belonged to Sasuke. No one else, and maybe just maybe that could be enough.

"I think... we are done." The ever vibrant voice of the blonde appeared from his left and a ghost of a smile painted itself upon Sasuke's face. He knew the blonde was watching, Naruto was always watching, it was Naruto's smile after all, without the blonde... Sasuke's world became colorless, empty, shallow, cold. Without Naruto, there was no sun, as Sasuke met his gaze he saw the worry webbed in those spectacular blues. He knew why it was there.

His cheeks were more hollowed, his skin much thinner, the bags beneath his eyes grew and his chakra weakened, but Sasuke did not think on such things, never did he dwell on it, everything he had done, was for Naruto, always and forever for Naruto. He reached into his pouch and popped another chakra pill. Naruto's arms slid arm his lithe waist and held his frame against his own impossibly warm body. Sasuke shivered and despite his prestigious upbringing not even an Uchiha could suppress the stuttered moan that broke free from the contact.

"What do you say we go break the new bed in?" Naruto purred against his neck, warm breath ghosting across his flesh and a clever tongue scraping the shell of his ear and with a shudder he didn't even attempt to suppress he followed behind the blonde... who was he to attempt to resist such a sultry promise?

* * *

Sasuke felt the water against his cheeks. It was a stinging chill against his alabaster flesh despite the weather remaining in the heat of summer. His muscles quivered and his eyes starred hollow and empty out the window. Vaguely his mind registered he was crying, he starred at the empty bag before him, it taunted him, teased him of the once seemingly endless stream of chakra it had supplied him, and now his hands only quivered, as his body trembled with its need to shut down.

Naruto... God Naruto had been everything he had ever imagined and so much more. A blonde Adonis, a God wrapped in tan flesh, sapphires eyes and blonde hair that could turn the sun itself green with envy and he had been all Sasuke's. He had done nothing short but worship his body. Naruto had left no patch of flesh untouched, by lips nor hands. No sensitive patch of flesh undiscovered. He knew Sasuke now, and Sasuke knew the blonde, and every pore, every fiber, every muscle, every nerve was screaming for him to return to the bedroom and to rediscover his own personal aphrodisiac all over again.

But Sasuke wouldn't listen... and the tears simply kept dripping.

* * *

Naruto blinked back sleep as he struggled to awaken from his cocoon of blankets, fluff, and post coital bliss, he stretched to grasp his raven haired lover, only to find him gone, and his side of the bed icy and cold from his absence, blue eyes widened, first in surprise and then in fear. Had Sasuke truly left him here? Grabbing a t-shirt and throwing on his boxers, Naruto flung the door open, hoping to all hell Sasuke wasn't gone.

But the Uchiha wasn't, instead he was perched at the table they had built, back rim rod straight and Naruto sighed, and slowly stalked forward, he crouched down beside him, grabbing the pale trembling digits and trying to peer into those empty onyx eyes, as tears over flooded his cheeks, delicately Naruto wiped them away and if anything it made the raven cry harder.

"Will you ever forgive me?" Naruto whispered, a soft voice shattering the peaceful silence as the Uchiha's bottom lip quivered and he clenched his eyes along with the teeth, fighting some internal demon with a strength that was killing him. Naruto meant so much by that statement. I'm sorry for choosing the village, I'm sorry I'm an idiot and it took me so long to see, I'm sorry for not helping you kill your brother, I'm sorry and I love you.

"I forgave you long ago." Sasuke's voice trembled and shook like a scolded child and Naruto had never seen so much sorrow, so much pain, so much agony on anyone's face before, and Sasuke finally cracked and broke down into sobs. "I just never forgave myself." Long pale fists clenched into fists as he bent his head down and sobbed. His tears soaking into the wood table and his body wracking with every heaving sob it took. It was Naruto's turn to be confused, what did Sasuke have to be sorry for? For killing his relatives, the people who slaughtered his entire clan? Naruto wrapped one hand around a tightly closed fist and the other gently up and down his spine.

"For what Sasuke? Why can't you forgive yourself?" Naruto asked only when Sasuke had seemingly regained control of himself, and slowly, slowly Sasuke lifted his face and blood-shot black met worried sapphire, as Sasuke fought to reign in his emotions and sucked in a long breath.

"For killing you."

With that the shadow clone fell away revealing Sasuke's own visage before poofing away entirely. Sasuke tilted his head back and screamed and screamed and screamed.


End file.
